Caregiving Maxim #12: Their world is whatever age they are at

This maxim can apply to two different aspects of one’s life.

The first aspect is for the patient having some form of dementia. These patients may not always live in the present time. Their short term memory has disappeared, but their long-term memory may be accurate.

My Dad (an Alzheimer’s patient) sometimes felt like he had to go to work. He would want paper and a pencil, so he could make notes, even though he could no longer even write his name. My Mom, toward the end of her life (she had an aspect of dementia due to mini-strokes (TIA’s)), wanted to hurry to the bathroom so she could go get my brothers from school. One day, I heard them trying to dial the telephone to call Iowa – they hadn’t lived there for over 50 years.

The best way to handle these situations is to try to redirect them to another activity or thought. Also, reassure them that whatever they were trying to do is settled or that you will call and find out the information they were looking for. Reassurance is a key aspect in handling many caregiving situations. Reassurance can calm the patient.

The second aspect may also apply to the end of life. The dying patient has work to do to settle their mind before they die. Many times, this patient will revisit his/her life and review what his/her life was like. This life review may cause them to act like they are that age (the time of the review).

Several times, I thought my Mother was talking to her Mother. I asked her if she had seen her Mother, and she said, “Yes.” I would ask her what they had talked about – she couldn’t answer that question, but I could tell that she was going through this life review.

Their world is whatever age they are at is an important statement. Respect this age, realize that he/she are involved in important work. Accept the stage, be reassuring, and query them if you are comfortable doing so. Do not reject or discourage them from this process.