Caregiving Maxim #16: Try less – give in more! Caregiving Maxim #17: Accommodate, Accommodate, Accommodate

This maxim is especially important with a patient that has dementia, but applies to all caregiving situations. The caregiver’s agenda is not the important agenda. There are basic needs that should be adhered to each day – keeping the patient clean, making sure the patient eats healthily each day, and having the patient take the proper medications in a timely manner. Those three items should be the daily goals. Any thing else can be delayed or put off.

The caregiver can certainly apply his/her persuasion skills to getting the patient to help with daily housekeeping duties, or keeping the patient entertained. Some days will be more difficult than other days for perhaps no reason. People that are ill may not have energy that day or just may not feel good. Remember the caregiver is there to take care of the patient, and not to impose his/her needs on the patient.

Give in to the patient’s wants – if they only eat a few bites at breakfast, try to make those few bites count calorie-wise. Another tactic is to give them smaller meals or to split the food into two dishes – e.g., eggs on the plate and fruit in a bowl. If they finish the eggs, offer the fruit. If they want to take a nap, let them.

Accommodate the patient’s needs for the day – work around those needs, ensuring that the basic three tasks are performed throughout the day. Keeping the patient as healthy as possible can extend their life.

Two of the most important changes that I made when I came into my parents’ home were: I bought quart size plastic jars to keep the milk and juice in. Dad could no longer lift the half gallon size carton easily. But, he could lift the quart size jar and pour their juice or milk. This kept him feeling useful. The second change was to fill the water and coffee in the coffee pot the night before. Dad couldn’t remember how to make the coffee and we had several disasters. Having the pot ready to turn on allowed him to just “push” the button in the morning and Voila!, they had coffee in a few minutes. We still had a few disasters, but this was a great accommodation.