Caregiving Maxim #9: Don't take offense when they get angry, cuss you out, or accuse you of lying – they won’t remember and don’t mean it

As Dad’s Alzheimer’s disease progressed, he could state that he was losing a piece of his mind each day. The initial loss was so profound, he lost his entire memory of their (Mom & Dad’s) financial status immediately. He wouldn’t know even what his profession had been or that he had owned his own company at one time.

A few times, Dad became angry with me and told me I was lying. He would unequivocally state that I had not said something or he had not said something. I would tell him, “Dad, why would I lie to you. There is no reason for me not to tell you the truth.” Then, I would take him step-by-step from the beginning of the issue to the end until he was able to understand. He would then calm down and I could offer him the solution or possibly two choices to pick from. This worked well.

After a period of anger, one might find five minutes later that the patient doesn’t even remember what the issue was or that they were even angry. Many times, the anger stems from their frustration to understand what is happening.

When Dad would ask me a question about his/Mom’s lives, I would summarize the information into a one-page statement or a couple of paragraphs. He would keep these statements by his chair and read them over and over, but it was easier for him to understand, rather than trying to remember what I had explained to him.