Caregiving Maxim #7: Everyday is an adventure – don’t know who the patient is going to be from day to day

This maxim applies more to patients with Alzheimer’s or some other form of dementia (there are several types) than other patients. The patient with dementia may forget how to do some things or may not remember some or most of their past life, but the patient is still a person. This person has rights – the right to be treated nicely, the right to be kept clean, the right to be fed good food, the right to have entertainment (in what form is pleasing to the patient), etc. This person still has thoughts and can still tell right from wrong. The dementia patient may not have the strength to fight back, but can still gesture if something is not right.

But there are times each day when the dementia person will act like their old self and one can see the Mom or Dad we wished we still had. Sometimes it is a glimmer and sometimes more. The words may not be perfect, their balance may not be perfect, they may have different tastes (the taste for sweets or sugar does not go away), they may not know how to buckle their seat belts or get ice from the ice maker, but the patient is still your Mom or Dad.

Dad would eat green chili enchiladas or See’s candy right up until he died. If the grandkids came over, he would pretend to chase them around the living room and scare them with a “boo,” just as he has done for years. He called all the grandkids and great-grandkids “George,” no matter whether the child was a girl or a boy.

Some days the person with dementia may feel like being quiet, and that is OK. Try to engage them throughout the day to go with you to the store or listen to some music. Music is a great calmer and also very pleasing, especially if the music is from the era that the person grew up in. Dad loved to eat out, and wouldn’t mind going shopping, just to get out of the house. He picked out his own red shirt and tie to go with his suit to wear to my brother’s wedding!!

Overall, be patient with the person. Let them be who they are and in what era they are. They will change soon enough. If they get angry with you or cuss you out, they don’t mean it and will forget they did so in a few minutes. Just give them some peace.

Appreciate the person as he/she is at that moment.