Is your Mom or Dad grouchy? Does he/she pick at you and remind you of your childhood?? Does your Mom have a disease process going on? Is your Dad frustrated about his mental capabilities?
Being frustrated about having decreased abilities to manage one’s life or being in pain and not wanting to complain can cause grouchiness or anger at other parts of the day.
Does the patient regret having lost some of their independence? Is the patient now dependent upon a family member or caregiver to shop, cook, or take them to doctor’s appointments? Does this person no longer drive? Losing one’s independence is always very difficult and a hard pill to swallow!!!
STOP and THINK about why the patient is upset. It took me a while to understand this. My Mom had emphysema and was always short of breath. She used 200 pounds of oxygen each week and never complained about being in pain. But, she was always gasping for breath. She began using a walker, so she could sit down and rest. Then, we graduated to a battery-operated scooter, so she could take herself to the bathroom by herself (retaining some form of independence). But, she was grouchy sometimes.
Was her grouchiness due to her inability to breathe? Was it due to the loss of independence? Was she actually in pain and didn’t want to complain? It may not be possible to find out what the underlying cause of the complaining or grouchiness is.
The caregiver’s (whether a family member or professional) purpose is to help the patient get through each day as comfortably and as healthy as possible. The caregiver’s daily problems cannot be an issue. The caregiver is there for the patient. The patient is always 100% forgiven.
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